Two months after...

Today is the future. Actually, it's the present, but the future keeps gaining on me faster and faster. At the beginning of the year, I had big plans for my blog. I had writing goals and other life schedules to help me transition through the changes I knew were coming. As you can see by my lack of weekly posting, most of them haven't worked out.

The problem was an enormous ball of stress that rested upon my shoulders. That, and an intense spell of bad luck where money, work, and vehicles were concerned. Long, long stories. Anyway...

My divorce has been final for two months, and things are finally turning around for me for the better. *knock on wood*

So what does that mean on the writing front? Wonderful things! 

The Red Dress Flash Fiction

Happy March 1st! At the beginning of the year, I promised some flash fiction so here is the first one.

Since I don't want to step on any copyright toes, here is the link to the picture that inspired the work.

Mika allowed the ceremonial red gown to fall down her body and soothed out the skirt. The red stood for disgrace, and the gold designs were added to remind her of her people’s wealth which she would now have to live without until the end of her days. She would be the first of her kind to leave the city, the first female elf to ever be banished.

2014 Poetry – Cold

I would be lying if I said I expected to start writing poetry again. Yesterday, I was speaking to a colleague who asked about my poetry and last night my son told me he was going to start writing poems. I told him, "That's great!" and shut out the light to go to sleep. This seeped in and I had to turn the light back on. Enjoy!

COLD

The weather is frigid,

It’s so damn cold,

And I’m alone,

With no one to hold.

Each night I lay awake,

My brain frenzied.

Then I realize,

I’m no longer married.

Time will heal the heart they say,

But what will keep the cold at bay?

Nothing.

The winter is eternal.

This I believe,

Until the summer sun shines again.

The brakes have been hit.

In my first post of the year, "Burning a Bridge in 2014," I said I was expecting some major life changes that I guessed would be a lot like slamming on the brakes, backing up, then cranking the wheel and flooring it in a different direction.

Well, 53 days in, the brakes have been hit. The inevitable has happened, and I am official getting a divorce. Right now, I feel a bit overwhelmed and devastated even though I had expected it since October. 

Then my grandmother died this morning. That's hard to face alone.

I'm thinking about my motto when I was a kid: "Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." I want to find that girl again. She was amazing.

For My Heroine

Last night, I dreamt of my ex mother-in-law. In the dream, Dee sat in a chair in the corner of the room. I knew she was there for me in the midst of big decision in my life. I was about to do something reckless, teetering on what I should do because I’ve so many mistakes in my life.

When she realized I hadn’t come to a solid decision, she said, “Oh, it’s not real.”

As she started to rise, I put my hand on her knee and begged her to stay. “Am I making a mistake? Tell me what to do.”

“I don’t know.” She looked up, her eyes forward and not on me.

But I knew exactly what she thought and I knew exactly what I should do.

I woke up then, jarred, because she’d passed away two years ago. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I needed that woman in my life. I was 17 when I married her son, 19 when I divorced him, but I truly wish I could have kept her a part of my life. She moved a lot, and she liked her privacy, so her location and number weren’t readily shared.

Dee lived a hard life. She’d been through a lot, raising four children on her own, and because of that, she didn’t pass judgment on anyone.  She was brave and she was true to herself and her family. She was fun, easy-going, and I connected with her more than I ever did my own mother.

I was one of those awkward kids who didn’t have a role model. I foolishly thought I could be my own, make my own path. That’s a hard road, especially with my background.  My mother had always been taken care of and tossed judgments easily. I love my mom and I don’t hold her “ways” against her, but it’s hard to feel good enough around people like that. She’s always quick to give advice and eager to tell me what to do, but her advice and her example always lead me down the wrong path. We’re too different. We never clicked.

Now, I suggest to the younger generation in my family that they find role models, because I know how much of a difference the right one would have made in my life.

Dee was like a mother to me and I miss her dearly. More than that, she is my heroine, my visiting angel in a time of need, and I only wish I had been smart enough at that age to understand and to learn from her strength and courage.

Luckily, it’s never too late. I hope to make her proud this year.

Lisa 

How about you? Have you ever connected with someone more than your own family? Have you ever been visited by a special person from your past? Did you or did you not have a role model and how did that affect you? All comments welcome. 

Burning a Bridge in 2014

I hope everyone had a great 2013 and is planning for an even better 2014.

I am.

One of my many goals for this new year is to focus on my blog and get more personal. I’ll be concentrating more on my life, my writing, my books, vampire stuff, and other random thoughts in my head. I’ll also add some short & flash fiction just for you! Promotions, giveaways, and reviews for other authors will lessen, but it’s my blog and should be a place where my readers can get to know me.

What prompted this?

I’m making some major life changes this year––some exciting, some horrible––that I’ll share when the time is right. I have the feeling my journey will be a lot like slamming on the brakes, backing up, then cranking the wheel and flooring it in a different direction. I'll be traveling into unknown territory so any support, opinions, or similar stories shared in comments will be treasured.

You can also expect 3 – 4 new titles this year from me, including the final book in my Wanted: Vampire trilogy and my very first romantic comedy. I’m so excited to see those published!

I’ll be posting once a week as soon as I get into the groove of things, so I hope you’ll join me on my journey through 2014. (Yes. Explosions are expected.) 

What about you? Any major life changes this year? Are they exciting or are they scaring the bejeezes out of you like they are me?