Saturday, January 18, 2014

For My Heroine

Last night, I dreamt of my ex mother-in-law. In the dream, Dee sat in a chair in the corner of the room. I knew she was there for me in the midst of big decision in my life. I was about to do something reckless, teetering on what I should do because I’ve so many mistakes in my life.

When she realized I hadn’t come to a solid decision, she said, “Oh, it’s not real.”

As she started to rise, I put my hand on her knee and begged her to stay. “Am I making a mistake? Tell me what to do.”

“I don’t know.” She looked up, her eyes forward and not on me.

But I knew exactly what she thought and I knew exactly what I should do.

I woke up then, jarred, because she’d passed away two years ago. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I needed that woman in my life. I was 17 when I married her son, 19 when I divorced him, but I truly wish I could have kept her a part of my life. She moved a lot, and she liked her privacy, so her location and number weren’t readily shared.

Dee lived a hard life. She’d been through a lot, raising four children on her own, and because of that, she didn’t pass judgment on anyone.  She was brave and she was true to herself and her family. She was fun, easy-going, and I connected with her more than I ever did my own mother.

I was one of those awkward kids who didn’t have a role model. I foolishly thought I could be my own, make my own path. That’s a hard road, especially with my background.  My mother had always been taken care of and tossed judgments easily. I love my mom and I don’t hold her “ways” against her, but it’s hard to feel good enough around people like that. She’s always quick to give advice and eager to tell me what to do, but her advice and her example always lead me down the wrong path. We’re too different. We never clicked.

Now, I suggest to the younger generation in my family that they find role models, because I know how much of a difference the right one would have made in my life.

Dee was like a mother to me and I miss her dearly. More than that, she is my heroine, my visiting angel in a time of need, and I only wish I had been smart enough at that age to understand and to learn from her strength and courage.

Luckily, it’s never too late. I hope to make her proud this year.


How about you? Have you ever connected with someone more than your own family? Have you ever been visited by a special person from your past? Did you or did you not have a role model and how did that affect you? All comments welcome. 

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Inn on the Edge Review

Burning a Bridge in 2014

I hope everyone had a great 2013 and is planning for an even better 2014.

I am.

One of my many goals for this new year is to focus on my blog and get more personal. I’ll be concentrating more on my life, my writing, my books, vampire stuff, and other random thoughts in my head. I’ll also add some short & flash fiction just for you! Promotions, giveaways, and reviews for other authors will lessen, but it’s my blog and should be a place where my readers can get to know me.

What prompted this?

I’m making some major life changes this year––some exciting, some horrible––that I’ll share when the time is right. I have the feeling my journey will be a lot like slamming on the brakes, backing up, then cranking the wheel and flooring it in a different direction. I'll be traveling into unknown territory so any support, opinions, or similar stories shared in comments will be treasured.

You can also expect 3 – 4 new titles this year from me, including the final book in my Wanted: Vampire trilogy and my very first romantic comedy. I’m so excited to see those published!

I’ll be posting once a week as soon as I get into the groove of things, so I hope you’ll join me on my journey through 2014. (Yes. Explosions are expected.) 

What about you? Any major life changes this year? Are they exciting or are they scaring the bejeezes out of you like they are me?